I’d pay ten dollars without batting an eye if someone told me that’s all it would take for them to get a huge dick tattooed on their forehead, and I’m sure a lot of other people would too. Imagine an online marketplace that facilitated these kind of transactions.  

Clients would create posts using a format similar to GoFundMe and open bidding for a set amount of time, with a maximum window of one week. Their idea would be the title: Giant Dick On My Forehead, Jacksonville Jaguars 2020 Super Bowl Champions On My Chest, A Ten Inch Portrait Of My Ex-Wife’s Face On My Forearm, The Names Of The 100 Highest Bidders Wrapped Around My Calf, etc. The options are limitless.

If you saw a post that piqued your interest, you could click and see how far away from their goal they were and decide if you wanted to contribute or not. Let’s take, for example, the forehead dick idea. You see it, it makes you laugh, and so you click on the campaign. He’s 70% of the way to his $10,000 goal and it’s only day three of his seven day campaign. Why not. You throw ten dollars his way, and the following week, you receive an email status update. This dumbass met and exceeded his goal, and here’s a picture of his brand new dick forehead tattoo. Sick. He actually did it.

You’re hooked. You see one of the “100 Highest Bidders Get Their Name Tattooed” posts, and now you have confidence in the reliability of the site because the dick thing worked out so well. You picked up your paycheck earlier that day and it was a lot more than you expected because of the overtime hours you worked that week, so you decide you’re going to ball out and bid $100. A week later your email dings again, this time with more personalized pictures. The guy with your name on his arm forever even wrote you a personalized thank you message for your contribution to his campaign. How nice.

This is one of America’s biggest markets: fucking dumbasses who are willing to do anything for the right amount of money.  A forum for people to bid on tattoo real estate is the perfect way to capitalize on that.

Our website would claim 0.05% of all bids, along with advertising revenue generated from visitors to the site. Brilliant, and rich with potential.

I’m honestly thinking about creating this one myself, but if you beat me to it, play by the cool guy rules and send over 1% of your profits for the next ten years or the settlement lawsuit will include a clause forcing you to get my name tattooed on your ass, and no one wants that. Other than me. Kind of.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: